The Risk of Regret

By Ginestra Faeta

“What’s your fear behind the fear of risking?”, he asked. 

You glance at him. He frowns. 

“What do you mean behind?”. 

“I mean exactly what I said. Behind, something that is not in front of something…”. 

“I know what behind means, thanks”. 

“What, then?”. 

“I mean that the fear of risking is already a fear per se, why does it have to have another fear behind?”. 

“‘Cause all the fears have another fear behind. If you fear the darkness it’s because you fear being left alone and not knowing what’s in the darkness with you. If you’re afraid of heights it’s because you fear falling. So, what do you feel it could happen to you if you take a risk?”.

Seconds feel incredibly slow right now. They’re sliding on you like water drops. You don’t know the answer to that question. 

Perhaps you’re scared of not being in control. You’re so used to it. Lending to something external, even for a few moments, would mean giving it trust. 

Are you incapable of trusting, then? Or perhaps it’s more the idea of the unforeseen. 

You love predicting. Somehow it makes you feel like you can never be disappointed or surprised. 

There’s no wrong way on a one way track, right? What are you scared of when you think about jumping? 

The void that will embrace you. The same void you feel without being able to predict the unknown and just taking the risk.

You shrug. You’d like to say all of this. “I guess being hurt”, comes out of your mouth instead. 

And you realise it’s the biggest truth you could possibly think of. 

“But you can be hurt even more by not risking”. 

“How?”. 

“Well you’ll never know, I guess that’s the point”. 

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. 

“You’ll never know because there are so many paths and maybe without risking you’re already choosing the one that hurts you the most”.

Voices and Visions, overseen by Student Life Editor Sofia Diaz, is The Graduate Press’ column platforming creative submissions that inspire and engage with social and political themes. Send your submissions to gisa.thegraduate@graduateinstitute.ch.