The Graduate Grapevine: Cuffing Season or Just Coughing Season?

By The Graduate Press Editorial Board

Q: “I’m presuming you have eyes everywhere and I need answers. I have a mega huge crush on this person- well actually I am into a few people on campus, and I feel like I have been sending out “the feels” to them but I am not getting those feels back. How do I make it happen? Am I not sending out concrete enough feels? Also, should I even think about making a move or should I focus on the impending doom that is finals month?”

Dear Hopeful Romantic,

Thank you for that presumption, that is indeed true. Hi, I hope you’re doing well. Ah, the perils of young love. Firstly, I take pride in your démarche to venture out into the dark waters of dating within the institute. We have heard, and seen, quite a few horror- for lack of a better word-stories play out. It almost usually never ends well. However, keeping aside these morbid thoughts, yay!! You’re on the quest for love and love makes the world go round, that’s what the seventies were all about. Greatest era of music – sorry, I got sidetracked. 

There is a crucial question you must think about: are they in the same program or track as you and do they have most of their classes with you? I ask you to consider this because if things do not end up working out, you will be stuck in a circle of awkwardness or even lose a friendship. I would not be so macabre as to believe that the tension and awkwardness would stay for a whole year – everything gets reset after the breaks – that is how grad school works. Another thing I would like to bring up is that cultivating friendship is very important in the perilous age of working hard through your degree, as it is your friends who would be your pillars of strength. Trivial pursuits of fleeting love, as amusing as they may be, might not provide the same level of comfort and security as your cherished friends might.

Also why must you send out any sort of “feels”? I believe that you need to start being more action-takey and less vibe-y. If you do not feel too courageous taking that step all of a sudden, the first thing to ask yourself is “have I seen them on the apps?” and if the answer is yes, then go for it! That’s confirmation enough that they’re putting themselves out there. How does one go about being “action-takey”? Winter is upon us which leads to me reiterating that cuffing season is also upon us. I would suggest that you take the “friends-or-more?” route by asking them out for a study date. A cup of coffee at Boreal – their coffee is roasted to almost perfection – or at La Clémence, with some work followed by a walk along Rue de l’Athénée after the sun sets promises to be an almost Greta Gerwig-esque moment. Grab the bull by its horns! Seize the day, Hopeful Romantic, make your life extraordinarily gooey in love! 

Warmly,

A Fool for Love

The Graduate Grapevine is the Graduate Press’ advice column, a team effort from the Editorial Board, where we combine our life experiences to answer relatable questions on school, relationships and life at large. Submit questions via this form, or send us a DM on Instagram anytime!