The Graduate Grapevine: That’s Not My Name!

By The Graduate Press Editorial Board

Q: People pronounce my name wrong sometimes but it’s too awkward to point it out after some time, what do I do?

Dear Mislabeled,

This question startled our inbox. In the editorial board’s WhatsApp group chat, we desperately waited for someone to volunteer to answer this question. The problem? Turns out, most of the board has been too awkward to point out mispronounced names. From ARP Teaching Assistants, to thesis supervisors, it seems that the simplest one-syllable names are butchered on the regular at this institution. 

Indeed, we all know someone who says “sorry, I’m terrible at names.” They call you by the wrong name or incorrectly pronounce your name upon every meeting, but you’re supposed to cut them some slack because they were born with the innate inability to remember people’s names. It’s actually your fault for having a confusing name and it is simply not within their capacity to commit to remembering the correct pronunciation of your name – or your name at all. 

The name you use is the crux of your identity. The way you are called can be attributed to family lineage or prominent historical figures. Some people choose later on in their lives to go by a different name that they feel suits them better. Rarely are the names we give our children or the names we choose to go by trivial. Many of us with names that have “difficult pronunciations” work harder to remember other people’s names because we realize the value in being called what you want to be called. Therefore, encouraging our friends, family members, colleagues, and professors to call us by our given or preferred names should not be an overstep or burden. 

In life at the Graduate Institute, we are constantly meeting new students from backgrounds that can be so different from our own. Some of these students we will meet once at a Welcome Month apéro and then see again during winter exam week, or they could be people we see in all of our courses. At the same time, many students have difficulty communicating their preferred names to professors, or their name has been mispronounced in class for three months, including in office hours, but we’re afraid to speak up. I will identify a few of these scenarios and provide some good and some slightly worse ideas on how to navigate them.

If this person is a new friend recent acquaintance:

Say you have recently started spending time with a new group of friends from the Institute. Your friend who connects you to this new group introduced you, but everyone sort of missed the introduction and can’t recall your name. In this situation, I don’t think it’s rude or out of place to correct someone who repeatedly mispronounces your name. If these are friends you will get closer to over time, you may laugh about this in the future. If these are people you decide you don’t actually enjoy spending time with, at least you have given them the opportunity to give you respect by accurately pronouncing your name. However, while this is fully in your right to do, and certainly the commendable approach, you may relate to some of the TGP Editors in finding this absolutely awkward to do. In that case, we urge you to ask your main friend of the group, who hopefully knows how to pronounce your name, to consistently address you loudly by your name. 

If this person is someone you will only talk to once:

Say you’re at a guest lecture at the Institute and you sit down next to someone who sparks a conversation. You introduce yourself, but in these contexts it is often that someone’s name will go in one ear and out the other. If this person seemingly misunderstood your name, you have two options. First, you can correct them if you feel strongly about being seen and understood through their recognition of your name. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be accurately perceived by someone new. Second, you could choose to ignore it. It’s possible you’ll never see them again, and if you do, you can correct them down the road.

If this is a professor: 

Say your professor does not make an attempt to memorize all of their students’ names, but you really enjoyed their class and would like to continue to seek advice from them in the future, perhaps for your master’s thesis. If you want to continue this relationship and they repeatedly mispronounce your name, I suggest correcting them in a meeting during office hours and at the end of a lecture. Odds are, they are not trying to mispronounce your name and would like to correct the error. On the other hand, if this seems like an insurmountable endeavor, consider this the perfect opportunity to embrace a new variety of your own name. In the words of Shakespeare, “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” 

At the end of the day, though, your anxiety about correcting someone on the pronunciation of your name is likely less than the embarrassment that a friend or colleague will feel when they find out they have mispronounced your name for weeks. If this is a long term friendship or professional relationship, you both will feel better knowing everyone’s name is equally and accurately understood.

Sincerely,

The Graduate Grapevine

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The Graduate Grapevine is The Graduate Press’ new weekly advice column. Submit questions via this form, or send us a DM on Instagram anytime. The Graduate Grapevine is a team effort from the TGP’s editorial board, where we combine our life experiences to answer relatable questions on school, relationships, and life at large.